I am not skilled to understand... and I don't really mind.

I have decided that I’m going to start writing shorter blogs, but more often. This is because so stinking much happens to me in a month at UP, it’s difficult to keep up, and I find myself struggling to become inspired, and instead becoming overwhelmed at having to choose something to write about. It’s a blessing, and a curse.

A curse because it’s taken me close to three months to figure it out and finally come to a logical conclusion about my blog frequency. Consequently, there’s been a lot of cool, amazing, God-things that have happened to me that I haven’t been able to share because life’s busy out here and by the time I’ve even thought about writing a blog, some other, amazing or blog-worthy thing has happened!

It’s a blessing that God is doing so much though, because it’s forcing me to pay attention. I’m not always catching the exact relevance of what God shows me or experiences He brings me to, but I’m recognizing them as things from God, which is more than I could have said for myself three months ago. And I’m slowly becoming okay with the fact that I don’t always understand.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says: Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 6:10 says: Everything has already been decided. It was known long ago what each person would be. So there’s no use arguing with God about your destiny.

Basically, my main habit is overwhelming myself with the need to understand everything God does; Finding a lesson in every second of life. I think all of us do it at some point. Maybe out of a carnal desire for control? I don’t know. But what I constantly fail to understand is that God is gracious and sometimes allows me, with my limited mind, to just sit back and watch Him do incredible things because He wants to dazzle me. I rely on God to get me through my day to day tasks, and He’s slowly teaching me to trust Him that wherever there is a lesson to be learned, He will help me to understand it in HIS time, which is always perfect, duh.

I feel God telling me:

Jade. Relax. I’m God. I do mighty, amazing things in your life every single day. Things you don’t even see. And the things you do see are sometimes just for you to simply know that I am yours, and I am here always and in all ways. You don’t need to know what I’m doing all the time. Your brain doesn’t even have the capacity to understand a portion of what I’m doing in your life, and I made it that way because I want you to trust me. Let go. Not everything has to be a huge life lesson. I love that you are so eager to learn, but you need to know how to wait for me to teach you. I love you very much and I would never teach you as much as you try to learn all at once. I know how panicky you get. Let me dazzle you with my works, and when it’s time to learn something, trust me, I’ll let you know.

Huh, I guess that's pretty much a lesson in itself, isn't it? Haha, God, you're hilarious. :) 

Right now, if you want to pray for me, pray for the health problems I’ve been having. My heartbeat has been irregular for a few weeks so I’ve worn a heart monitor for a week, and will continue to wear it for a week more. I’m not too sure what’s going on, but pray for wisdom for the doctors I suppose, but more that it miraculously goes away because I don’t have time to be sick, haha!

My dentist has informed me that I also need a hasty quadruple wisdom teeth extraction, but I can’t currently afford it at all. Pray for providence. Just that it somehow works out. I know God’s faithful, and we should all praise Him that I literally have NO time to worry about it because anyone who knows me knows that I would worry myself to death about it if I didn’t have so many amazing kiddos to mentor. 

So that’s my life! I still need donors to cover the cost of my time here so if you’re interested in donating any amount at all, follow this link!

http://www.urbanpromise.com/donate/

Lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove!

Jade